The Game

So my sister had some of her students write a blog (comedic blog) about relationships.  As a precursor to me posting this, let me just clarify that this is not MY TEACHING.  If anything, blame my SISTER cause obviously she is teaching them SOMETHING completely wrong.  Secondly, don’t take it offensively, the kids were just kidding, because my sister told them that they were supposed to be funny and try to use some satire/irony to present their ideas.  So they tried super hard to think of ways to be funny and ironic, but I gotta say, some of the stuff on here is definitely controversial even as a joke.  I find it hilarious cause I know the kids and I know they’re good guys, but since you guys have no idea who they are you’ll probably “wonder about them”.  Just take my word for it, they really didn’t mean it.  I think.  Still, it’s kind of interesting how these guys perceived these things (even as a joke) based on cultural paradigms and representations in the media.  It’s also interesting that they are only 9th graders.  But what’s even more interesting is that I’m reading a book called “The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pick Up Artists”, and I have got to say, reading that book has made me sort of SAD, in a weird way, about relational interaction.  That’s for another post…Anyways, without further ado…Here it goes:

Submission One: “How to Keep Your Girlfriend”

1. Lie.  Tell her everything she wants to hear.  Lie about yourself, where you live, just lie about your life

2. Bring Gifts.  Always, bring roses or things she wants.  Do something that she will like.

3. Always know where she is.  Never let her out of your sight.  Call her every second of the day and make sure you know where she is at all times.  You know you are in a good relationship when you know their daily schedule.

4. Be a romantic guy.  Every girl’s dream is to have romantic moments.  Be her Romeo and make her happy.

5. Make sure you are the boss.  If she is gaining weight, yell at her to lose weight.  You dont want your girl to take power over you.  You always want to be bigger than her, to do that you need to constantly make fun of her and let her know you’re the boss.

6. Be strict.  When she has done something wrong, let her know what she did was wrong.  You don’t want people talking bad things about her.  Don’t let it go, always remind her until she doesn’t do it.

7. Keep everything a secret.  Your girlfriend already loves you.  It’s not like she’s going to leave you.  So it’s okay to keep things a secret from her.  Communication is not very important in a relationship.  She doesn’t need to know everything about you.  But you need to know everything about her!

8. Do everything together.  Even if you are studying, be with her.  Always, always, never let her go.  Even if she’s doing something that you don’t like, act happy or pretend you are enjoying it.

9. Don’t limit yourself.  We are men, and that means we are hunters.  We can’t just limit ourself to one relationship.  It’s okay to have 2 or 3 relationships at a time because its hard to limit ourselves to one person.

10. Call her before you sleep.  Before you sleep tell her a story.  Keep talking to her until she sleeps.

Submission Two: “How to Strengthen Your Relationship”

Everyone, I mean EVERYONEm needs a boost in their relationship.  Here’s a couple of ways to spice it up old school.

1. Try not to hold her hand, but if she does, squeeze it really hard until she cries.  (This will be taken as a sign of strength)

2. Once a month, sneak up on her from behind and knock her over.  Girls love to be roughed up.

3. Tell your girlfriend you’re going to dinner.  Drive for hours so she thinks its special.  Then take her to a burning tire yard.  When she gets upset, tell her you were kidding and you’re really going to dinner.  Then go straight home.  When she starts crying and asking why you would do such a thing, whisper quietly in her ear, “because I can…”

4. Look her in the eyes and smile.  Then punch her in the face.  Girls love a spontaneous guy.

5. Play with her hair.  Play with it HARD. 

6.  Take her out to dinner.  Right when she’s about to order, interrupt and say, “no, she’s not hungry.”  Make her watch you eat.  Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

7. Spit often.  I noticed girls like guys that spit.

8. Remember her birthday, but don’t get her anything.  Teach her that material objects aren’t important and the only thing that is important is keeping you happy.  Tell her your happiness is the greatest present she can get.

Obviously, if they followed their own advice, they would fail at this relationship game.  Or would they?