The Game

So my sister had some of her students write a blog (comedic blog) about relationships.  As a precursor to me posting this, let me just clarify that this is not MY TEACHING.  If anything, blame my SISTER cause obviously she is teaching them SOMETHING completely wrong.  Secondly, don’t take it offensively, the kids were just kidding, because my sister told them that they were supposed to be funny and try to use some satire/irony to present their ideas.  So they tried super hard to think of ways to be funny and ironic, but I gotta say, some of the stuff on here is definitely controversial even as a joke.  I find it hilarious cause I know the kids and I know they’re good guys, but since you guys have no idea who they are you’ll probably “wonder about them”.  Just take my word for it, they really didn’t mean it.  I think.  Still, it’s kind of interesting how these guys perceived these things (even as a joke) based on cultural paradigms and representations in the media.  It’s also interesting that they are only 9th graders.  But what’s even more interesting is that I’m reading a book called “The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pick Up Artists”, and I have got to say, reading that book has made me sort of SAD, in a weird way, about relational interaction.  That’s for another post…Anyways, without further ado…Here it goes:

Submission One: “How to Keep Your Girlfriend”

1. Lie.  Tell her everything she wants to hear.  Lie about yourself, where you live, just lie about your life

2. Bring Gifts.  Always, bring roses or things she wants.  Do something that she will like.

3. Always know where she is.  Never let her out of your sight.  Call her every second of the day and make sure you know where she is at all times.  You know you are in a good relationship when you know their daily schedule.

4. Be a romantic guy.  Every girl’s dream is to have romantic moments.  Be her Romeo and make her happy.

5. Make sure you are the boss.  If she is gaining weight, yell at her to lose weight.  You dont want your girl to take power over you.  You always want to be bigger than her, to do that you need to constantly make fun of her and let her know you’re the boss.

6. Be strict.  When she has done something wrong, let her know what she did was wrong.  You don’t want people talking bad things about her.  Don’t let it go, always remind her until she doesn’t do it.

7. Keep everything a secret.  Your girlfriend already loves you.  It’s not like she’s going to leave you.  So it’s okay to keep things a secret from her.  Communication is not very important in a relationship.  She doesn’t need to know everything about you.  But you need to know everything about her!

8. Do everything together.  Even if you are studying, be with her.  Always, always, never let her go.  Even if she’s doing something that you don’t like, act happy or pretend you are enjoying it.

9. Don’t limit yourself.  We are men, and that means we are hunters.  We can’t just limit ourself to one relationship.  It’s okay to have 2 or 3 relationships at a time because its hard to limit ourselves to one person.

10. Call her before you sleep.  Before you sleep tell her a story.  Keep talking to her until she sleeps.

Submission Two: “How to Strengthen Your Relationship”

Everyone, I mean EVERYONEm needs a boost in their relationship.  Here’s a couple of ways to spice it up old school.

1. Try not to hold her hand, but if she does, squeeze it really hard until she cries.  (This will be taken as a sign of strength)

2. Once a month, sneak up on her from behind and knock her over.  Girls love to be roughed up.

3. Tell your girlfriend you’re going to dinner.  Drive for hours so she thinks its special.  Then take her to a burning tire yard.  When she gets upset, tell her you were kidding and you’re really going to dinner.  Then go straight home.  When she starts crying and asking why you would do such a thing, whisper quietly in her ear, “because I can…”

4. Look her in the eyes and smile.  Then punch her in the face.  Girls love a spontaneous guy.

5. Play with her hair.  Play with it HARD. 

6.  Take her out to dinner.  Right when she’s about to order, interrupt and say, “no, she’s not hungry.”  Make her watch you eat.  Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

7. Spit often.  I noticed girls like guys that spit.

8. Remember her birthday, but don’t get her anything.  Teach her that material objects aren’t important and the only thing that is important is keeping you happy.  Tell her your happiness is the greatest present she can get.

Obviously, if they followed their own advice, they would fail at this relationship game.  Or would they?

Post Grad Life: Friends

Another facet of post grad life that’s very intriguing is the concept of friendship.  I think in college you sort of take this for granted, because you have a plethora of people that you can befriend at any moment.  I remember in my dorm, my freshman year, I was quite a friend machine.  Anyone and anything I see would instantaneously become a possibility for a friendship, and I was pretty damn eager to connect with just about anyone.  It was quite a different social experience for me: I come from El Centro, a crappy little suburban city in the middle of absolutely nowhere.  Honestly, the only thing worth boasting about are the amazing tacos and mexican food in the city, and literally, nothing else.  The high school sucked.  The social atmosphere sucked.  Honestly.  It just sucked.  Oh and there were no korean girls.  None.  Except one.  And she was dating a mexican guy.  F my life.

I mean, it used to get as hot as up to 120 DEGRESS fahrenheit on a bad day.  ONE HUNDRED TWENTY.  The place was so hot that my grandmother used to walk outside IN THE NUDE.  NAKED.  With 80 year old saggy breasts.  I mean, I’m not trying to make fun of my grandma…we had a love/hate relationship, because she used to throw remote controllers at me out of anger and frustration.  But I do wish I had gotten to know her better, honestly, and near the end of her life, I couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of empathy toward her.  But, at the same time, I was only in elementary school at the time!  AND SHE WOULD WALK COMPLETELY TOPLESS  IN MY APARTMENT COMPLEX.  WHERE ALL MY FRIENDS USED TO BE.  SHE WOULD BE NAKED, OUTSIDE, FULL FRONTAL NUDE FOR ALL MY FRIENDS TO SEE.  AND TRUST ME.  THEY SAW.  AND LAUGHED. 

Imagine my disdain everytime I hear her scream “Sam-eee-yaaaa”!  That phrase was like a knife striking my heart with a tinge of fear every time.  I would glance nervously around me, and run away as fast as I could to minimize the amount of humilitation I would have to endure from my friends.  IT WAS PAINFUL FOR A LITTLE KID. 

I have this sense of deja vu, as I write this, which means that I feel like I shared this story already on my blogs but I can’t seem to find where.  If I have shared this story already, oh well.  I guess regurgitating material is not the worst thing in the world.  But honestly, my friends used to treat me like crap when I was a little kid.  They used to steal from me.  And back in my adolescent days, I was hyper nice.  Like.  HYPER nice. You know those guys who are TOO NICE?  Yes.  I was one of those guys.  Trust me.  Too nice exists.  You may not think so, and you may defend with all your idealistic heart that there is NO SUCH thing as too nice of a guy.  BUT TRUST ME.  They do exist.  And I used to be one.  I bet you you know a few of these “too nice guys” in your life.  And I bet you, you too, think they are TOO nice.  That it’s a bit “cute”, but at the same time, if anyone were to ask you “what do you think of this guy”?  Your immediate response is: “Oh, he’s so nice.”  Would you date him?  “No, I mean, he and I are just good friends.”  THE FATE OF THE TOO NICE GUY.  SUCKS!

Anyways, the reason why I bring all this up is this: there were multiple “social stages” of my life.  Honestly, looking back, although I did have a wide variety of people I hung out with and talked to, I never really had that many friends in high school.  God, there were so many days that I would sit at home with literally nothing to do.  It’s no wonder I got to be so damned good at video games.  I mean, for goodness sakes, I was ranked 26th on Warcraft 3 when it first came out.  I mean, God, how many girls are attracted to a guy who’s rankd 26th in Warcraft 3?  “Baby, watching you click that mouse at 160 actions per minute just turns me on.”  CHYEA RIGHT. 

Then I got to college, and everything changed.  I started making tons of friends.  I joined a frat.  I was socially “hip”, if you want to call it that.  It was all going fine and dandy, but just as quickly as it started, I got closer to God again.  Then my legalistic notions consumed me, and suddenly I found myself alienating myself from the people I used to hang out with.  I got sucked into this existence where the only people I could befriend were people who acted, talked, thought, and were exactly like me: Asian Christian.  I didn’t even know how to communicate with people who weren’t like me, anymore.

I stuck to that group with all my strength, soul, and being.  I joined CCM.  I joined SFC.  I joined multiple local korean churches, and I completely immersed myself in this cultural bubble.  Even PC, although definitely more diverse than previous organizations I have been a part of, was mostly consisted of Asian Christians.  This isn’t necessarily a BAD thing, especially considering that UCLA is like 50% Asian people anyways.  BUT, the point is, I felt threatened by anyone who didn’t fit that bubble.  PC definitely stretched this side of me, for sure, but I don’t think it was until I graduated that I realized it wasn’t NEARLY as much as I thought it was while I was living it.

You see, because now, I really don’t have any “friends”.  I mean, of course I have friends in the sense that every friendship I’ve made in the past, I still hold onto dearly.  I love the people that I’ve met through PC and CCM, and although I don’t get to see them often, I’ll consider them close for probably my entire life.  But I don’t have friends locally.  I don’t know a single person in Northridge that’s older than 17 years old.  And obviously, I don’t hang out with 17 year olds regularly, because, that would just be freaky.  I mentor many of these guys, and play ball with them once in a while.  But we’re not friends, in the traditional sense of the word, by any measure. 

The people that I consider friends are miles away.  And a lot of them are graduated themselves, or busy with school.  Everyone is BUSY, including myself.  I suddenly find myself having to SCHEDULE in appointments to meet with people.  It’s not as easy as “oh you want to hang out” anymore.  It’s, “let me see where you fit into my schedule”.  Then, I have to make a long drive to some remote location (because, honestly, no one visits me in Northridge, but I can’t really blame you for that cause it’s pretty damn far from everyone), and hang out for a while with those “Dude, it’s been so long since we’ve last hung out, yadi yadi”.  And then I drive back home.  And my dog is my only friend here. 

I’m not really writing this post to talk about how I have no friends, cause that’s kind of sad.  But rather, on reflecting back on my life, I started realizing something about myself…I wasn’t going out of my way to meet new people, to make more friends.  All my friends sort of fell on my lap, through some social activity or club.  And now that I started my own business, so I don’t even have the luxury of co-workers, I think I’m realizing more and more that if I want to make friends I need to GET OUT THERE.  And actually DO SOMETHING.

And so I joined Jujitsu.  And anytime my friends invite me out to go somewhere, I try my best not to say no, and always go out.  The reason is because I want to meet people.  I want to meet people who are not exactly like me.  In my jujitsu class there is not ONE SINGLE ASIAN CHRISTIAN.  AND THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY.  They are Mexican.  They are Caucasian.  They are a random mix of different races, cultures, beliefs, etc.  And here’s the kicker: they are people who need Jesus.

Man, I’ve met and had legitimate conversations with so many people who don’t know Jesus in the past 2 months.  It’s amazing!  NOW THAT I’m not COMPLETELY immersed in “Christianity”, I meet people who ACTUALLY NEED JESUS.  I don’t know where these relationships are going to end up…who knows, maybe I’ll start something here, maybe I won’t.  But the point is this: now I can actually be used by God to affect change in people’s lives.  Because I’m making organic relationships with people, and pretty soon, hopefully, friendships with people who don’t know God.

So what’s the point of all of this?  FLIRT TO CONVERT BABY!