The Elusive “One”

This is kind of a chain from my previous post. 

It’s rather humorous that no matter what stage of your life you’re in, the topic of conversation never seems to change.  Semi recently, I went to reunion of friends, and after 4 years out of college, 30+ years of education between all of us, being in totally different and supposedly “more mature” stages of life, the conversation still focused on that one topic that fascinates everybody that has a penis: women.

God.  It never ends.  I go to my tutoring center, and everyday my little tutoring center kids make fun of me for still being single.  One of them, as a matter of fact, even went as far as to say “what the heck is wrong with you”.  If that’s not bad enough, a couple of my kids (this is semi disturbing), were making fun of me and calling me a forty year old virgin.  WTF!? 

WTF!???

It’s quite sad that I buy into this whole social phenomenon.  My blogposts only get top notch action when I post about mindless, needless, pointless relationship stuff.  Everyone seems to have a witty comment to share when that happens.  When it’s about something else, however…my blog gets no action.  Oh man…I really shouldn’t sell myself out like this…

And yet, here I am.  1:11 AM in the morning, thinking.  Not necessarily about “her”, per say.  But the whole phenomenon of dating in general.  When you think about dating, it’s actually a pretty damned incredible concept, especially when you consider the concept of marriage.  There are 6 billion people on this planet.  And somehow, in the mix and chaos of all these people, you’re somehow supposed to find that “one” person that is supposedly right for you.  Then, to top it off, you have to make that relationship work for YEARS and YEARS to come. 

It’s just ridiculous.  The math, I’m sure, is astronomical.  Any married couple you ever meet, the odds of that happening were so minutely small, that literally the only word to describe it is “miracle”.  Then factor in the reality that most marriages (especially in the 21st century) fail, thereby constituting any married couple you meet that have been together for longer than twenty years, AN F’ING Miracle. 

No knock on my parents.  I think they are great.  But sometimes, I see them together and I can’t help but wonder how they made it this far.  The relationship had so many breaking points…so many moments where it could have collapsed.  There was even a time where I thought it was officially over while I was in undergrad…and yet somehow, they’re still together.  They’re still in “love”.  Maybe not so much the romantic love.  In fact, in my head, my parents never had sex and there is no such thing as romantic love for them.  Why might I say that?  CAUSE IF THEY DO THAT’S JUST GROSS.

Anyways, but seriously…HOW DOES THIS MARRIAGE THING ACTUALLY WORK?  I know that you start off hot, romantically super charged with all the flowers, chocolates, anniversaries, and dates.  But then so many relationships just fizzle out.  Jadedness starts to kick in.  All the uglies are on full display.  Throw in the crux of financial hardship, and BAM.  It’s pretty much fighting and yelling all day…

When you think about the statistics and the hardships that’ll probably come with dating, it’s just mind boggling.  Especially when you realize how muchpressure it must be for both sides.  I mean…I’m going to belong to ONE WOMAN for the rest of my life.  And that ONE WOMAN is going to belong to me for the rest of my life…sometimes I feel like I won’t measure up to those expectations.  God.  There’s so much to live up to!  AN ENTIRE lifetime of having to be the most amazing guy that I can be for the woman that I love…

I understand what Paul was saying when he brought up the whole celibacy bit.

And yet…

I’m still thinking about her.  That one.  The one.  The one I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.  The one that I’m going to be able to love unabashedly, and have her love me back in the same way.  The one that I’m going to weather all the good times, all the bad times…just life in general, together with.  The one that’ll know everything about me, through and through…she may not always have romantic feelings for me, in the traditional sense of the word…

But something probably much stronger than that will take form, and take place.  A love that’s more powerful than the superficial crap that bursts into the scene at the start.  It’s quiet, yes.  Not as passionate and charismatic, maybe.  But it’s still there.  Powerful, provocative, and enduring…

That after 40 years of being married.  You still hold hands at the movie theatre.  And you still cuddle up next to the fireplace when it’s cold…

Man.  I want to share that with someone. 

Besides.  I can’t wait to join the married couples at church that grow up and mature as far as conversational topic is concerned.  I can’t wait till we’re all sitting around one day, talking in the most sophisticated manner about the most interesting subject for married couples.  Sex.

Quarter Life Crisis

These past few months have been rather interesting for me.  Barraged by the monotony of routine life, I think I’ve entered somewhat of a “quarter life crisis”.  The hilarity of the situation is compounded by the fact that not only am I fully aware of it, I EMBRACE it. 

Quarter Life Crisis, of course, is relative because I really do not want to live to be 100 years old.  Oh my lord.  I think if I live to be one hundred years old, I will have to go skydiving for my one last hurrah.  I will “accidently” forget my parachute, and most likely have a heart attack on my way down as excrement leaks out of my once healthy (but now dysfunctional because of old age) anus.  Honestly, the moment I have anal leakage problems is the day that I really need to not be on planet earth nemore. 

Anyways, apart from that incredibly grotesque imagery, I really believe that I’m entering quarter life crisis.  In this past month, I have begun a regement of very suspicious “quarter life crisis” type activities…

#1. I have enrolled in my local karate/jujitsu class, and am determined to be on Ultimate Fighting Challenge once before I die.  TELEVISION AND FAME HERE I COME!!!

#2. I am 100% committed to developing a nice set of six pack abs that will blind everyone who by some unfortunate and compulsive force look upon them.  So far progress has been less than satisfactory.  But I swear, I see two of the six slowly emerging from beneath the layers of excessive fat.  Seriously.  I’ll send pictures.  Except, in the pictures I will be completely naked.  So it might be hard to focus on the abs.  Because, of course, my farmer’s tan.  Perverts.

#3. I am taking Jazz Piano.  Why?  Because, when my piano teacher plays jazz piano, I think it’s pretty freaking hot.  No homo. 

#4. I am going to get a tattoo very soon.  I am going to get a dragon that goes from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet.  In complete red.  So there’ll be a huge gigantic dragon snaking across my entire body.  No homo x2.

#5. I signed up for eHarmony.com.  So far I have gotten ZERO profile checks.  F my life.

#6. I read fmylife.com on a daily basis, and relate to most of the posts somehow.

#7. I want to learn to dance hip hip style so that I can go clubbing.  That way, when I’m thirty years old, I can live with my mom and go clubbing every weekend.  CHYEA BABY!

Okay, besides the little bits of humor laced throughout my seven “quarter life crisis” type of activities, the main ideas still apply.  I am getting a six pack (cause I’ve always wanted one), learning jazz piano (cause I’ve always wanted to, and thirty is the beginning of the end of my life neways), taking martial arts classes (so that I can karate chop my tutoring center kids more effectively when they do not pay attention), getting a tattoo (not of a big red dragon, omg, but something simple on my shoulder cap), and I do want to learn dancing.

These days, I’ve just really been feeling that life is too short, and there’s just so much of life left to live!  I’ve been meeting so many different people these days, and it’s been really amazing.  Every time I meet someone, I realize more and more how simple it is to make non-Christian friends.  This is such a first in my life.  Before, I was pretty much set in my little comfort bubble, without even fully realizing it most of the time.  Sure, I did some uncomfortable stuff.  But rarely did I step out of my safe haven of security to just make a bunch of friends that are non-Christian.

Now that I’m trying a bunch of random stuff, I’ve been meeting people who are different than I am…and to be honest, it’s been quite a blessing.  It makes me realize so much more what this whole church planting thing is supposed to be about.  Yes, I’ve been “out of the game” in the traditional sense this past year.  But, honestly, I feel like I’m more into the core foundation of what church planting is supposed to be than I have ever been.  I’m not surrounded by Christians every day of my life, and I’m making friends with people who don’t know Jesus.  Yes, I could definitely use some more community.  But in many ways, I feel like God isolated me from everyone I am comfortable being around so that I can open my eyes to the people around me…

I’m not going to lie.  This season hasn’t been easy.  It’s been rough adjusting to a lifestyle of working 24/7, of being so far away from everyone that I consider close, and of trying to stay in touch with Him.  But through it all, nothing has changed…I still love God, and I still believe that He can move in a powerful way within the people around me.

Quarter Life Crisis has been pretty good to me.  It has definitely been new perspective, a breath of fresh air on this thing called life.

Another motivation for this quarter life crisis is to find a girlfriend.  Apparently, all my tutoring center kids think that the girl I am going to end up with will look like the girl on the RIGHT.  That would make the person on the LEFT their perspective of ME.

I don’t know what I find more disturbing.  The fact that my tutoring center kids view ME in such a contorted manner, or that they have little hope for my future girlfriend.

You’re out there somewhere, baby…and when I find you…