Girlfriend from the Harvest

One of the sad realities that every post-grad is confronted with is the idea of “limited selection”.  What is limited selection, you might ask?  Well, let me (laced with as much bitterness as I can possibly conjure up) explain what the freak limited selection is.  Limited selection is that plague, that unholy and ungodly phenomenon that occurs when your social network (which used to be quite expansive during college years) suddenly shrinks to almost nothing.  Yes…it is the blackhole of every freaking single person’s life.  You find yourself in a world of NO POTENTIALS.  NO NOTHING.  JUST.  NO ONE.  It’s quite sad.  Suddenly, all the thirty year old women your mom suggests that you should date (and introduces you to) look just that much more attractive to you. Suddenly, Thomas becomes quite an appealing option.  Suddenly, you find yourself “accidently” browsing through pictures on Eharmony.com and Match.com.  Suddenly, you wonder if maybe my sister’s boyfriend method of stalking girls on facebook and messaging them to go out on a date is a viable option…freaking…worked for him.  

Then in your sorrow, and pathetic-ness, reality grips you, and you realize that walking around with someone who looks as old as your mom would probably not be such a hot idea.  Nor ending up with a girl that you find online (whose real name is Bob, that just came out of prison, and wants to have a good time with you) is smart.  Cause…that would count as a very, very bad situation. Definitely.  Very.  Bad.  

Anyways.  

This idea of “limited selection” is such a sad thing.  And it’s compounded even more ridiculously in So-Cal Christian culture.  In So-Cal Christianity you’re confronted with the reality that #1 Most of the girls you know don’t know Jesus and #2 So-Cal Hollywood type standards (both male and female) of what we expect from the opposite sex is just that much more retarded.  Sam Lee says that every man in So-Cal expects their women to have the “heart of mother teresa” and the “body of Jessica Alba” (before she got pregnant…) SO TRUE.  JUST GO TO ANY Pastor’s Conference in So-Cal and LET THAT SPEAK FOR ITSELF.

Dude, and honestly, this is a cross gender thing. Everyone always accuses the male of being superficially charged when confronted with issues like this but, OMG, IT GOES BOTH WAYS. I once had a girl friend (not girlfriend, but girl friend.  Yes.  the space makes a big difference, okay?) who I was interested in, give me (maybe as a subtle suggestion) a list of TWENTY FIVE FREAKING QUALITIES SHE EXPECTED HER FUTURE HUSBAND TO HAVE (DAMN MAN).  ”Must be tall” (FUDGE).  ”Must be good singer” (FUDGE TIMES TWO).  ”Must have muscle boobs the size of basketballs” (I’M SOO SCREWED).  Everyone’s standards in Hollywood culture are INSANE.  None of us want to settle!  THAT CURSED WORD, “SETTLE”!  To settle is worse than to die itself.  

I ate lunch with Jeremiah today and we were talking about how so many people who are NOT living in So-Cal are getting married.  Everywhere!  People get married at like 20, 21, 22, 23 years old.  Shoot, in Alabama, they get married at like freaking sixteen.  I have a friend in Nor-Cal who just got married at 23! WTH?  DUDE THAT’S AT LEAST TEN MORE YEARS OF “THE HUMPTY DUMPTY” THEY ARE GOING TO ENJOY THAN MOST SO-CAL CHRISTIAN WHO MARRY AT 28+.  Scratch that.  NON-NOMINAL 28+ CHRISTIAN PEOPLE, because as made obvious by my old roommate’s roommate (who we will not name here) nominal christians definitely get the benefits early on…

Dang.  Maybe I should convert to nominal Christianity.  HAHA.  Just kidding.  *sob*.

Honestly, these last few years, my prayers for revival have steadily increased because I NEED TO FIND A WIFE.  GOOD LORD.  MY MOM PRESSURES ME EVERY DAY NOW.  IT’S LIKE AN INCESSANT, CONTINUOUS DRONING NOISE IN MY EARS EVERY WAKING MOMENT.   “Sam, when will you get married?  Do you want me to die before you have children?  Oh no…there is no hope for you.  Oh no…let me introduce you to my friend, she just got divorced.  Oh no…we need to pray for you every day.”  Dah!  HOLY CRAP. GOOD LORD!  GIRLFRIEND FROM THE HARVEST IN JESUS NAME!  I receive it!

I know there was a well pool of controversy in my post, and I’m probably going to get killed for even posting this…but really, the only point I’m really trying to make is that I feel like for myself, I’m beginning to rethink what I value and what I cherish in what I want in my future “significant other”.  I remember when I was flying back from Taiwan after a one week trip there, and there was a “lay over” at the Japanese airport.  And I don’t know if it was just that day…or what…but honestly, every girl in that airport was amazingly gorgeous.  I was completely…shocked at how many pretty girls (WHO MIGHT I ADD WERE ALL SIGNIFICANTLY SHORTER THAN I WAS!) were in that airport. 

And I kept thinking to myself, “Damn, I need to move to Japan!”  But…then I couldn’t help but think to myself, why do I even care?  And also, will I miss someone who’s very special, maybe in many ways so perfect for me, just because I’m blinded by unrealistic expectations?  I sometimes wonder…man.  And I hope not.  Look.  Honestly, I’m realistic, too.  I think you do need to be attracted physically to the person you end up with.  And in no way am I saying otherwise.  But maybe…just maybe…you gotta look and dig a little bit deeper sometimes.  Find some gems, and some jewels in places you’d never thought you’d find them…

I know how this business works, it’s not really one of those things that anyone can be convicted about, and no matter what you think or what you hear, you can’t ever really “shake it off”.  We’re sort of…it’s just the way we are, and we can’t even really help it.  It is seriously really hard not to be so obsessed with fleeting and temporal things…

But man.  I really do hope…that I don’t miss her…just because…I’m…blind.